Secret Identity
by mburns31
Summary: What happens when people in Crystal Tokyo wonder about Sailor Moon's secret identity?


Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon or any of its characters. Hopefully no one will sue me for borrowing them for a little while.  
  
Feedback on this story can be sent to mburns31@yahoo.com.  
  
  
  
Secret Identity  
  
***  
  
"And now, welcome back to Back Talk on CQTZ, the number one radio talk show in Crystal Tokyo. Here's your host, Henry Harsh."  
  
"Welcome back, this is Back Talk, the show where YOU get to voice your opinions about the subjects that are on everyone's mind. As I'm sure you all know, yesterday we had another monster attack at the outskirts of the city. The monster was beaten by the Sailor Team, of course, but that's not what I want to talk about right now.  
  
"In this particular battle, there weren't the usual four Sailor Soldiers fighting. There were five. In addition to Mercury, Mars, Jupiter, and Venus, there was another soldier who called herself Sailor Moon. My question is, who the heck is this? The other four are well known around the city. They live at the Crystal Palace with Neo-Queen Serenity. But this... Sailor Moon, she doesn't live in the palace, she only joins in the occasional battle, no one knows anything about her!  
  
"So, what are your thoughts? Let's take a call from the west district. Caller, you're on the air."  
  
"Hey Henry, love the show. Long time listener. I'm glad you brought this subject up, because I was wondering the same thing. There's only one answer I can think of: Sailor Moon must have a secret identity!"  
  
"Hmm... Secret identity. You mean, like a Clark Kent/Superman double life?"  
  
"Exactly, Henry. Except I don't think Superman is a good analogy. Have you seen the video footage of the last battle?"  
  
"I'm glad you mentioned that, caller, because I was going to bring that up. Whoever this Sailor Moon is, she clearly isn't in the same league as the rest of the Sailor Soldiers. Honestly, I think my grandmother could fight better."  
  
"And what about her attack? Moon Tiara Action? What's up with that?"  
  
"Yeah, that's really a pretty stupid attack, isn't it? I mean, the other soldiers have attacks I can respect, but that? Come on. But getting back to the secret identity, do you have any ideas on that?"  
  
"Sorry, Henry, I sure don't. Maybe someone else will."  
  
"Well, thanks for the idea. Let's see, caller from the harbor, you're on the air."  
  
"Yeah, Henry, you're definitely right about the secret identity. In fact, I know who Sailor Moon is!"  
  
"Well, come on caller. Spill!"  
  
"I'm Sailor Moon!"  
  
"What? You're Sailor Moon?"  
  
"That's right, I am!"  
  
"I don't believe you."  
  
"What? Why not?"  
  
"Well, for one thing, your voice is way too deep."  
  
"Um... I have a cold?"  
  
"Sure you do. Look, let me give you a piece of advice - your late forties is WAY too old to be cosplaying. Next! Caller from midtown, you're on Back Talk."  
  
"Hey, Henry. I was thinking about Sailor Moon's secret identity, and I have a theory as to who she might be."  
  
"Okay, what's your theory?"  
  
"Well, bear with me, because this will probably sound a little crazy, but... I think she might be Neo-Queen Serenity!"  
  
"What??? Are you kidding me? Neo-Queen Serenity? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"  
  
"Come on, Henry, think about it! Sailor Moon obviously has magical powers, just like Neo-Queen Serenity. And we never see them together. Why won't you at least consider the possibility?"  
  
"You want me to list the reasons? Okay, fine. First, there's physical appearance. They don't look a thing alike! Sailor Moon couldn't possibly look any more different from Neo-Queen Serenity. Second, did you see the way Sailor Mars was yelling at her? Sailor Mars, all the Sailor Soldiers, they always show Neo-Queen Serenity a tremendous amount of respect. If Sailor Moon really was Neo-Queen Serenity, Sailor Mars would have been a lot nicer to her yesterday.  
  
"And third, and most important, it just doesn't make any damn sense. Think about it. Why would Neo-Queen Serenity, the leader of the free world, a figure who commands respect, adoration, and even awe, want to get down in the mud with a common monster? Why would she want to put on a short skirt and let everyone in the city stare at her legs? Caller, your idea is totally absurd."  
  
"I think you're not giving it enough of a chance, Henry. Just think..."  
  
"Caller, what's that racket? I can hardly hear what you're saying."  
  
"Hold on, there's someone pounding on my door. It looks like some men in black. That's strange... I wonder who they could be?"  
  
"They're probably bill collectors. Look, I don't have any more time to waste with you. Goodbye.  
  
"Sheesh! What a nut. Why do we always get the crazies? Why can't they call some other talk show for a change? Sailor Moon is Neo-Queen Serenity. Yeah, sure pal, and I'm King Endymion! Get a grip.  
  
"It's time for a commercial break. Next - Is Sailor Mercury having a secret love affair with Sailor Jupiter? More when we come back." 


End file.
